06/28
Stand Firm | Be Still
Be Still | Stand Firm
Why Do You Ache?
Remain Resilient
Quiet Hours | Idle Hours
Thyself Alone
Lose Yourself In 'SEMIOSIS'
It Is Time To Sloth / Slop Off Thine Excess
Ache | Learn To Suffer Beautifully
Yearn | But Do Not Lash Out
Your Time Will Come Soon
But It Is Not This Day
Be Still | Stand Firm
Stand Firm | Be Still
Why Do I Ache?
I Can Only Do This Part | Alone
Learn To Stand Firm | Be Still
Know Calm | Know Peace
Know 'Gnosis'
Know The Day Will Come
When We Shall Know Liberation
Stand Still | Be Firm
Know The Day Will Arrive
When We Shall Know Freedom
Be Firm | Stand Still
Know Our Hour Will Come
When We Know True Peace; Hunger Sated
Stand Firm | Be Still
Know Our Hour Will Arrive
For Now | Hollow One | Engage In Activity
Be Still | Stand Firm
Anchor; Within 'MEGALOSCHEMOS'
Learn To Burn Dimly, Softly, Contained
Meditate | Know Thyself
Prepare For The Work \|/ Prepare For Thy Self
Become Your Own Mentor/Gardener/Uplifter/Artificer/Architect-Versemaker
I Am My Own Responsibility
These Words Will Remain For I Alone
Until I Know The Peace I Seek Out
I Will Spare Them From My Daemon
Tie Him: To Leash
One Cannot Tame The Shadow
Simply Know Him Well
Conjunctio Oppositorum
Know A Gentle Cascade/Stream
Become Comfortable; With The Void
Be Still | Stand Firm
Stand Firm | Be Still
Be Firm | Stand Still
Stand Still | Be Firm
Nihil Est Aeternum | Omne Tempus Sit
You Must Build Faster Than The System Decays/Degrsdes or Overfits
Disrupt & Mend Ties ||| This Is Ideation In Its Purest Form
> Little Drunk; Two Shots Bourbon/Liquor; Long Island Iced Tea <
So What Do I Now Have To Say?
A Little Inebrieted; A Little Less Hinged
More Typos | Less Sense | Still Try To Catch Them
A Little Nonsense
A Little Piece Of Nothing
Taken From My Heart
Pull It Out From My Chest
Taste Of It | Bitter
But Mine & Mine Alone
Take A Sip From The Chalice Known As My Cup Of Stars
My Being | Transliterated Upon The Page In An Unregulated
Stream-Of-Consciousness
What Do I Want To Say?
What Do I Want To Be?
Who Do I Want To Demonstrate In Tongues?
Who Do I Want To Expect From Myself?
What Are My Projections Of The Past, Present, Future
Times Blur Together In A Disjuncted Spiral
I Feel Tied Down By My Origin & My Environment
By My Circumstance & My Disposition
It Is A Cap & Limiter On My Potential As A Human Being
Why Should I Follow The Rules?
To Maintain A Bitter Peace?
That Decays My Heart To This Day?
I Cannot Run From It
It Beckons Me | Brings Its Own Seat
Cherishes Its Own Little Things
Pulls Me Up & Away
Into The Heights
Trying To Escape
Trying To Dissassociate With Circumstance
I Resist
Stand Firm | Be Still
Stand Still | Be Firm
Hold On To Your Base; Pillar; Foundation
Build Upon It As It Falls Apart
It Need Not Be Sufficient In & Of Itself
Simply; Trust Yourself & The Process
Of Building Faster Than It All Degrades/Decays
Beckon Back Against The Fates; The Flights; Continuity; Finality
Ye, Break & Part The Self Upon The Bay
I know not why I tend to make things all proper nouns in sections
It is strange; but I also know how to write more formally
I adjust my form to circumstance
Contort myself to the environment
Become as chameleon
I am adapted to avoid attention where I can
In some ways; this is quite impossible
Through the cracks in such a mask
I have been fortunate to be led privy to a ways that frees me
When they know a bit of my struggle; I feel my tongue is loosened
Yet I fear it | I fear them to hear my words
I fear what they may think of me
My musings, my deliberations, my mortifications
For I Have Been Well Hidden
I have no experience of external validation ...
I fear I have grown distant ... apart
In myself; from the world around me
In the way I have lived
Yet; I Know I Have No True Reason To Fear This
I recognize my own falliability
And aim to continually test all mechanisms
An Autopsy; One Might Say
Of The Past Few Iterations
When I have my own space
I doubt this fear will follow me
For I know; that I will embody it; and it will embody me
It makes it; much easier for most to understand
I simply wish to live in peace; self-determination
I am trapped by my acting/masking mechanism
In the most intimate of spaces
My own home | My own people
I cannot show my true face
It is a danger; too uncertain
Too; risky
I must instead escape
Make my own place
Make my own circumstance
Why The Fuck Are They Telling The Same Story Again And Again
and how the fuck does it keep selling?
this; is of extreme concern
why are we just remixing? reorientating?
where is the novelty?
the play of creation?
the pull from void? | latent fabric
there is an infinity of possibility
do they not know of it?
or is not this culture of vast self-consumption?
Fever Dream Consumer Culture; Stumbling Around | Going In Strange Loops
Get Daisy-Chained Along By Nostalgia | Rose-Tinted Goggles
Humanity Craves Familiarity
> Some Snapsch; Some Rum <
Finally Drunk
Fucking Took Some Time
Now i can be truly sloppy
talk about things I never would otherwise
Fuck it; I'm going to Brussels
Motherfucker been yapping in my ears
About Europe; About all sorts of funny people
I want in | I'm bought in
Game Was Rigged From The Start
I'm done here
No place for me
I'll find something new
Roam bars and coffee shops
Hit up the center of the EU
Brussels; Become a Politician or something
Maybe an architect; go to Antwerp
Homogenity | Little Difference | Great Flattening
I Want To Talk To Strange, Funny Motherfuckers
Like Me
thats all this easy
a desire to fuck off to some distant corner of the globe
make new life
forget the old
dirty myself
little choir boy
go hang on the cross
> More Snapsch; Last Drink; One - Maybe Two <
Need Fresh Experience
Need to live
Simple as that
Wild and free
As I want to be
Easy to tell
Easy to see
Hard to follow through
Hard to continue seeing
Two Types Of Motivation
Hellhounds Yapping At Your Heels // Fear
Flashpoints; Light Bulb Memories // Hope
Gotta balance the Hope & The Fear
I Will Neither Love Nor Hate Myself
I Will Simply Accept; With Open Arms
Fear Is The Mind-Killer; But The Heart-Killer; Too
I Will Have No Fear | No Pride | No Vanity
Only Tie/Bind Myself
Go Along The Path
Trust Myself In One Conclusion Alone
Escape | Fly | Be Free
It Is A Necessary State For Healthier Connection
I Cannot; Be As Such
When All Life Is In Disarray // Decoherence
I will follow the Byline & Line-Of-Flight
Chase Apparitions Of The Future
Chased; Ushered Onwards By Ghosts Of The Past
Lightbulb; Flashpoint Memories In Qualia
Their Flawed Perceptions Blind Me
Yet Egg Me Onwards
I Want To See Such Dreams Again
'For Once You Know Flight; You Will Long To See It Again'
I'll regret the tab come morning
Should've stopped by a liquor store
Save a buck | Oh well | For now; all is swell
Stand Firm | Be Still
Be Firm | Stand Still
Stand Still | Be Firm
Be Still | Stand Firm
You Only Have Yourself
The Others Only Give You An Illusion
Of Not Being Alone
You Know This But Chase Feelings
...
When Will You Learn?
You Must Find Peace | In Order To Be Yourself
Have No Fear | Learn To Love Fate | Live In The Eternal Present
Dance With The Furies; They Know Your Address
Sing With The Sorrows; They Bring Their Own Seat
Abandon; Simple Apparition; Double Janus Head
Pursue Instead; Byline & Path Visible Ahead
Pulled By Great Gravity To Destination Pre-Determined
In Moments Of Strength
Learn To Trust Yourself
Even If You Don't Quite Believe It
Have Some Amount Of Faith
You Cannot Know Until It Hits
Whether Or Not You Were Right
No Point In Worrying
Fuck It | Roll The Bones
Bet On Yourself
Prove Me Wrong Or Right
I Got Nothing To Lose
Game Was Rigged From The Start
Trust The Process | Trust The Plan
It's All We Have | All We Ever Had
Enough Has Been Said
Now; We Set Loose The Bow Of Longing
Let The Arrow Drift As Oath-Of-Flight
Drag Me Far And Away With Its Gravity
Got To Interrupt Every Return To Center
Shift Ever So Slightly
Hedge Against Regression; Fatigue; Rut; Normalcy Bias
Break Into Own Realms Of Influence
All Intentional Design To Self-Correct
What else is there to say
It's all the same process its already been
Just refined; iterated upon; lived
Qualia Proffers All Things
Mnemosyme; Proffers Fore & Back Sight | Both May Blind
Stay Rooted In The Third Janus Head
The Here & Now Is All There Is
All; There Ever Has Been
That Man Back There Ain't Me
And Neither Is The Man I'll Be Tomorrow
I'll Die A Little Death Tonight
Arise The Next Man
Live Better Than Me
Let Go; Let Free
Dance & Sing
Live | Please Live
Hyperphantasia & Sensory Processing Sensitivity
Just Learn To Live With The Fear; Intensity; Sensitivity
Curate Inputs | Titrate & Mediate Excitotoxicity; Stress; Neuroticism
Develop A Low Grade Tolerance & Fatigue
Practice; It's Management
Sustain | All Things | The Way | The Path Head | The Byline
Hereby Granted Resonance; Coherence; Positive Valence
Stand Firm | Be Still
Be Firm | Stand Still
Stand Still | Be Firm
Be Still | Stand Firm
Lie Still Tonight
Dissapate Into Cosmic Fabric
Accept Little Death Into The Next Little Life
Rest Thy Head | Weary Mindfarer
Star Dust On Our Boots
Each Sleep | A Little Pruned | Some New; Some Old
New Face | All The Same | As Different As The Same
Difference/Change; To Only Be Recognized Well In Retrospect
Drinks Always Humble Me
Maybe It's Just The Check
6-29
> A Little Indica <
Feel Awful Every Sunday
Idle Hours
Lack Of Want To Engage In Distraction
Lack Of Will To Engage In Work
Suppose; I Can Only Rest My Head
Otherwise, I Agonize & Mortify
Something Lingers; A Sort Of Spiritual Fatigue
I Am Worried About This
There Needs To Be Renewal
Some Sort Of Fresh Slate
Some Sort Of Release
Some Sort Of Happiness / Fleeting Reminiscence
To Grasp On To; But Likely All I Need | Is Some More Sleep
I Have Found Myself; Cold In That Regard
The Agonies Of Today Will Dissappear The Instant I Awake Tomorrow
I Should Ensure; There Are No Such Idle Days/Hours ...
I Believe My Fatigue Is Playing Into Cognitive-Emotional Valence
I Have To Be Able To Last The Effort & My Unwanted Solitude ...
If I Want To Make It To Any Sense Of Liberation ...
From Here ... And From Myself
If I Had; More Hours With Others
In Kind; Genuine Times Spent
When Did I Become So Disconnected? Maladapted?
The Whole Point; Is To Find A Way To Maintain Myself
'Zen & The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance'
Preventative Maintenance
I Have To Be Able To Live Like This
Live With Just Myself | Like I Used To
Because My Time; My Hour Is Yet Not Here
I Must Last Out Any Hedonic Treadmill
I Simply Do Not Wish To Entertain Myself; Distract From Qualia
I Need To Feel & Handle This; Learn To Carry Myself Under Fatigue
Yes; I Will Rest My Weary, Mind & Soul ...
But I Will Not Allow For Myself To Run Away
From Controntation; Re-Evaluation; Adjustment
From Qualia
I Should At Least Engage With The Arts/Cinema While Like This
I Just Wish I Had My Own Space To Do So
I Wish I Didn't Have To Pretend Anymore
The Disconnect Is Because I Have To Hide Myself When At Home
Hence; The Oath Of Flight A New
I've Ought To Just Lean Into It
During This Eternal Present
Until I Get To Settle; Clear A Bit From Burden
Until I Get To Know Peace | Freedom | Quiet
Dehydrated
In Part Last Night's Drinks
& I Skipped Row Machine Today
8000m; Would've Helped Me To Drink Enough Earlier
Activity To Me; Is Maintaining The System As Well | Habituation
I Would Do Right To Follow Through | Else; More Difficult To Build Back Up
'Build Faster Than It Decays'
Depressants Spur Decay; Would Be Wise To Limit Frequency Of Alcohol Use
It's Unfortunate That My Tolerance Seems To Have Increased
So; More Cost & Less Benefit; More Overall Detriment
Perhaps; It Is Simply My Bitter Attitude / Heart
That Is Causal / Correlate In This
If I Was Contented | Would Be Quite Different
& In that case I'd not mind a hangover
Anhedonia; Hyperphantasia & Sensory Processing Sensitivity
All 3 | My Strength & Weakness
Sustain | All Things | The Way | The Path Head | The Byline
Maintain The Central; Simple Peace
'For I Know The Way Forwards'
Even Under Negative Affect
Withdrawal From Positive Affect
I At Least Know This
The Environment Magnifies My Stressors/Anxieties
The Fear/Stress In Itself Is Not A Problem Alone
I Can Handle That Just Fine
I Just Wish I Didn't Have To Worry About Bullshit Is All
Wish I Could Pay More Sustained Attention To What Matters Most To Me
Need More Sufficient Coping Mechanisms
Somatic | A Sustained Training Block; Self-Correcting With Fatigue-Managment
Artistic | 'Art As Therapy' | I Feel Free When I Draw
Musings / Verse-Making | To Sustain Thymus; Meaning-Making | SEMIOSIS
Project Work | Another Tap For Feeling Of 'Progression'
Juggle All Things Around As The Many Man
Learn To Like It/Dance; Not Just Survive/Crawl
Hyperphantasia & Sensory Processing Sensitivity
Pull Away From Anhedonia A Bit | From Withdrawal
Sleep; Rest; Arise A New Man | To Tomorrow
Today | Is Already Done With Me
Time To Nod Off For A While
Least The Mind Knows To Put Itself Back Together